Because not everyone is Elite

Posts tagged ‘depression’

Does it ever end

I have now not worked for 4 months. Today is a very glum day for me because it is just a reminder of how long it has been and how rubbish I feel in still not finding a job. I know there are people out there who have not had a job in years with a friend of mine struggling to find anything for 3 years but as it goes on, the harder it gets to try and keep a smile or the idea of hope. 

Today there are so many young people trying to just get on the ladder that the bottom rungs of the ladder has too much competition while the top roles are pretty empty. 

What is worse is how my degree seems to mean nothing as my boyfriend gets up every morning to go to his high paid job having no qualifications what so ever! He doesn’t have any GCSEs, Alevels or a degree but earns more money than most people his age. In fact I only know of two people and they both got hand picked at uni for very high stressed jobs in fiance. 

So here I am getting over another rejection after an interview from a job I know I would have been incredible at and being reminded of how long I have been out of a job. 

What have I achieved in 4 months then? Well 6 interviews and over 150 applications or e-mails to companies and no job. I have managed to redesign my website, and lost all of my work for the last 2 years after my computer managed to corrupt my hard drive making updating my portfolio even harder.

I haven’t managed to achieve anything outside of my job hunt either as my life has just become the same week over and over again with the occasional family event or interview. I haven’t managed to do any paintings, make any jewellery or learn any new songs, but in fact lost some of my range due to lack of practice.

In fact the only successes I have had is turning 26 and moving to Brighton and they both don’t really have much to do with me.

So here I am at this moment having lost all of my drive and hope in this seemingly never ending search just to have a role in this world and ability to pay my own way through it.

I am even trying to just get together enough to go down stairs to check the post, go eat breakfast (though now it would be lunch) or leave this sofa but I have to some how. 

I know I am lucky to so many people out there that have been doing this for years, those that having nothing, those that are stressing with oppression, abuse, poverty, pain or the lose of a loved one yet it is so hard finding drive any more.

Life hasn’t been easy though as you could easily use me and my family as the basis for Eastenders for the next 10 years. 

So what now? No idea but I guess the first thing is to check if my amazon packages have arrived (and I hope something has as that would be a good way to cheer me up) and then start cleaning the flat. 



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